5yrs later.

i'm not in any place to give anyone advice.

let me start there haha.

i know what it's like to take advice from people who have no clue what they're talking about.

i did that, and 5 years later i'm seeing how f*cked up some of it was.

when i wanted to become a founder, i remember seeing more and more videos about performance, success, self-help, etc. it felt like a whole generation was getting into selling information products, and i was taking a lot of it in.

this is how i remember the advice, or at least what i took from it:

• show me your friends and i'll show you your future.
• you've got to work 24/7.
• remove all noise from your life.
• get clear about what you actually want.
• surround yourself with people you can learn from.
• listen to people and stay in touch.

some of that was useful. but i took a lot of it as rules for my whole life.

so what did i do? i cut off my friends, started working 24/7, skipped vacations and travelling, and focused only on work. and i have to say, it helped me make an extreme change in my life. it felt like i'd burned the boats. i couldn't go back and just had to go all out.

5 years later, i've worked on 2 main projects, grown my network to a point i never expected, sold one of my tech startups, raised from venture capital, had dutch unicorns as customers, and much more.

so saying that none of this worked would be bullshit. but it really came at a cost.

and that's probably different for everyone. for me, i would describe it as becoming an alien.

i started feeling strange in normal situations with people my age whose lives looked very different from mine. and that became lonely. when i wanted to celebrate something or talk to someone when things weren't going well, it became harder and harder to find people who understood.

this made me feel like an alien a lot of the time.

the people who did understand were often in the same bubble. they were also working towards their dream.

one pattern i've noticed with kids like me, chasing their entrepreneurial dreams, is that there's also a lot of theatre. people acting as if they're further along than they actually are. the "fake it till you make it" culture.

besides that, the people in this bubble move on. literally. you can spend 7 days a week with them at a co-working space, travel together, get introductions, etc. and then they move to another country, get their own office, or enter a different stage of their life.

the first time i experienced this, it was really hard. i felt like i'd been left behind. everyone in that bubble was 4 to 6 years older than me, and at a different stage of their life. but those realisations came later.

so here's why i'm writing this. i took a week off. for the first time in 5 years, a week without talking to my team or opening my computer for work. just a lot of sleep, reading, walking, and thinking.

and now i've finally had the time to reflect on what i want to leave behind, and what i want to keep.

so this is the list i'm making for myself:

• keep taking risks, but think about what i can afford to get wrong. i don't need every decision to be all or nothing.
• keep the people i can celebrate with around. and the people i can call when things aren't going well. they don't have to be founders to care about me.
• take a few weekends off a month. make room for friends, travelling, and things i enjoy without having to make them useful for work.
• keep meeting people, but stay close to the work too. a bigger network doesn't replace talking to customers and building something they actually want.
• study the people i admire, but think about what fits my own life. i can learn from someone without copying every choice they've made.
• be honest about where i'm at. say when i don't know something, and ask for help. it's hard for people to help if i'm acting like i've already got it figured out.
• stop letting a bad week at work decide what i think of myself. i want to take responsibility for my mistakes without making them my whole identity.

i don't know exactly what this looks like yet. i've had a week to think about it. now i have to figure out how to actually make room for it.

good luck.